One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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