Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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