I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
