Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
