Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
