just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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