No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've blown a few things in my day
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
