Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
