i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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