It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
