That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
