You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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