I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
