I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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