Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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