just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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