I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
