I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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