she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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