drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
