Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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