And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
