My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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