Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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