i jhust puked up my retainher.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
