He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
