also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize