Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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