what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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