Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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