Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
