Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
