I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
