I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
