the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
