no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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