is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
