my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
