Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize