Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
