Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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