Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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