i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
