I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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