another moral hangover. fuck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
