If that was your dad, he is hot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
