You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize