True but thats because hes a fetus.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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