Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
