Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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