My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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