life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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