so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
