And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
