we're blogging at a bar
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
