if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
