I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
