At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
