We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
