I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Randomize
